ACCEPT Instead of EXPECT -- Contemplating the Psychology of Weight Loss

In our fast-paced society that is based on accomplishments, we often tend to expect more from ourselves rather than accept who we are in the present moment. Unfortunately, I find myself expecting more of myself professionally, personally, emotionally, physically and socially pretty much on a daily basis. This is a heavy load. So these days I'm trying to be easier on myself.

I'm the type of person who learns about life through my body. Before I was able to empower myself with how to sculpt my body through exercise and nutrition, I had a really hard time accepting the fact that my body looked the way it did. I was about 15 pounds overweight and I absolutely hated it. From age 16 to about 30 I wasn't down with my body.

While I wanted to love my body because UCSC and women's magazines told me to, I didn't. I was frustrated and didn't know how to get the body I knew I could have one day. I always worked out, but I never got the body I wanted. I didn't know how.

Finally when I was about 28 or 29 I realized that the deep, inner work had to come first. I began to see a pattern that I used food as a friend and that I needed to re-establish a healthier relationship with food. But, on an even deeper level, I had to accept that I wasn't where I wanted to be before I could move forward into what I knew was possible.

I had to accept my flaws and just let them be there. And to let them be there is what allows us to move forward. It's the acceptance of whole. It took me so many years (and years of therapy) to figure out that in order to move forward or to change into who you'd like to become, you have to first acknowledge and accept all that you are now. It's such a hard life lesson. And it is so applicable for weight loss for so many people.

I have very high standards for myself so easing up on myself allows me to have more headspace to just be. It wasn't until I was able to accept myself for all that I hated about myself that I was able to really change.

Many people view dieting as a temporary, strict regimen that sucks but will be over soon and they will reap the benefits of discipline. Through my experience of helping over 60 people lose weight, I've seen that the ones who are successful at keeping the weight off long term are the ones that do the psychological work that accompanies the program. The work is figuring out one's relationship to food and making it a healthier one. It is also about being able to envision oneself as perhaps a smaller version of oneself.

For so many years I believe that I kept this layer of fat on me as a means of protecting myself from my true potential and also from not getting hurt. It was like a shield to the world that I kept on myself to keep out those who might try to take away my power.

I now feel like my muscles are my source of strength (as I've always been muscular) but now I am using the strengths that I always had and letting just them be there. The fat on my body serves no purpose now. Allowing myself to shine has been a great journey.

It all started with acceptance and love. And I'm still working on it ;)